


See you in Hell

by Pitou



Series: The difference between love and addiction [3]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Pain, Swearing, Terminal Illnesses, chrollo's pov, emperor time happy time, slight leopika (one-sided), starts off as domestic and then the angst gets out of control
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 13:16:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19394899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pitou/pseuds/Pitou
Summary: "Kurapika has been feeling under the weather, lately. Chrollo is pretty sure that he is working himself too hard. He needs to rest. Plus, he's been coughing for weeks now, and even though Chrollo knows it's nothing serious, it still annoys him that Kurapika won't accept to see a doctor. He figured inviting his friends over for a few days would kill two birds with one stone: allow Kurapika to unwind and have his med student friend examine him."Edit: there are now 2 prequels to this one-shot:Letting goandTake it back





	See you in Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to _Letting go_ and _Take it back_.
> 
> It can be read as a standalone but you can also take:  
> \- the chronological route: Letting go > Take it back > See you in hell  
> \- or the angsty route: See you in hell > Letting go > Take it back  
> ;)

The sound of light footsteps followed by the soft click of a lock rouses Chrollo from his sleep. He cracks an eye open and notices the light filtering under the closed bathroom door, and if it wasn't for his exceptionally good hearing, he would never have caught the muffled sound of coughing and dry retching coming from the room. It only lasts for a few minutes before the light turns off. As the door opens and a shadowed figure emerges from the bathroom, Chrollo doesn't close his eyes or pretends to be asleep like he usually does. Instead, he props himself up on one elbow. The figure freezes.

"I woke you up, sorry," Kurapika says softly.

"It's okay," Chrollo answers. He pauses for a few seconds before adding. "If you don't want to wake me up every night, you should really go and see a doctor to get that cough checked out."

The bed dips as Kurapika sits down on it. He turns to Chrollo and slowly threads his fingers through his dark locks.

"I told you that I already did. The doctor said that I just have to wait it out. It’s a pollution thing, apparently."

Chrollo scoffs. "I meant a real doctor, not one from Meteor City. These guys are so used to critical cases that they barely examine you if you’re not already half dead. And everything has to do with pollution with them."

"Well, seeing how filthy the air feels here, they might be right."

Sliding under the covers, Kurapika snuggles against Chrollo’s side with a contented hum. They remain wrapped in their warm embrace for a while, until Chrollo feels Kurapika's hand slowly sliding down his chest and stomach. A familiar spark of hunger quickly builds up inside Chrollo, who soon turns on his side to pull Kurapika into a kiss, pressing forward against him. Kurapika lets out a soft, low moan and the kiss suddenly turns heated and urgent. Chrollo knows that this is just another way for Kurapika to distract him and get Chrollo to stop fussing over him, but he isn’t one to complain. Plus, they're both awake, so they may as well make the most of what is left of the night.

Tomorrow would be a busy day, after all.

* * *

The doorbell rings way too early for Chrollo's liking. They're both still sprawled in bed, tired from the lack of sleep and their early morning activities. Still, Chrollo gets up and puts on his dark pair of jeans and a loose-fitting sweatshirt. 

"Chrollo, don't," Kurapika mutters sleepily into his pillow. "It's our day off. Whoever this is, they'll come back if it's important."

Chrollo chuckles. "Except that I know exactly who it is, and I can hardly leave them hanging." He gives Kurapika an appraising gaze. The summer morning sun is tracing patterns on his back and one long and very naked leg is peeking out of the sheets. "You're going to want to get dressed, love."

This gets Kurapika's attention as he snaps his head back to frown at Chrollo. Ah. Two years into their relationship (that is, relationship that does not involve kidnappings and murder attempts) and pet names are still out of bounds. 

"Get dressed," Chrollo insists. He places a brief kiss on Kurapika's pouting lips before going down the stairs to answer the doorbell that is starting to sound more and more insistent. 

He opens the door to a group of almost strangers. The dark-haired teenager blinks in surprise, but the other three look wary of Chrollo, especially the tall guy in a suit - Leorio, Chrollo remembers.

"Please, do come in." Chrollo says placidly. He is the one who wanted to invite them, after all. Kurapika has been feeling under the weather, lately. Chrollo is pretty sure that he is working himself too hard. He needs to rest. Plus, he's been coughing for weeks now, and even though Chrollo knows it's nothing serious, it still annoys him that Kurapika won't accept to see a doctor. He figured inviting his friends over for a few days would kill two birds with one stone: allow Kurapika to unwind and have his med student friend examine him.

Chrollo leads the group to the living room, where he motions for them to get comfortable on the couches. He goes to stand at the bottom of the stairs and calls out. "Kurapika? Your friends are here."

"What??" Chrollo chuckles to himself at the disbelief in Kurapika’s voice. 

"He doesn’t know?!" someone asks from the living room.

Chrollo turns back towards his guests and gives them a blank look.

"It's a surprise," he says. 

They regard him as if he's grown two heads, but Chrollo doesn't get to elaborate, because Kurapika is already coming down the stairs, wearing his favourite pair of pyjama bottoms, light pink and timeworn, and one of Chrollo's dark shirts that hangs loosely on him, threatening to slide off one shoulder. Cute, Chrollo thinks, as he catches Kurapika’s hand to beckon him towards the living room.

Kurapika frowns questioningly at him but he stops dead in his tracks at the sight of his friends gathered in a small circle in front of him. He drops Chrollo’s hand and the bright smile that pulls at his lips takes Chrollo’s breath away. Something stirs inside him as he wishes he could ever be the reason for such a sweet sight.

"I'm so glad to see you all," Kurapika says softly, but Chrollo notices the stiffness in his posture and wonders if he’s feeling uncomfortable because of his friends or because of him. Probably the latter. "What are you doing here?" Kurapika asks.

The one called Leorio scratches his head.

"He sent me an email," he says, pointing at Chrollo without looking at him. "Said that you could use a break and that seeing your friends would do you good."

Kurapika turns to Chrollo and raises an eyebrow at him. Chrollo shrugs.

"You've been wearing yourself out lately. I figured spending a few days with your friends could be good for you."

Kurapika gives him a gentle smile, not as blinding as the one he’d given his friends, but a genuine smile, still.

"Thank you," he says.

Chrollo nods and leaves the room to give Kurapika and his friends some privacy, figuring that they would take this time to catch up. He busies himself in the kitchen, making coffee for everyone. From where he’s standing, he can hear the two teenagers talking excitedly about their latest camping trip around Whale Island. True to his form, Kurapika isn't being very talkative, only making small sounds of acknowledgment to encourage the conversation forward. He sounds tired and Chrollo thinks that he made the right choice, even if it means sacrificing one of the few days off that they manage to take at the same time. 

The chatter stops abruptly as Chrollo reenters the room with six cups of steaming coffee. It feels awkward for the leader of the Phantom Troupe to be playing host, acting like Kurapika and him are your average domestic couple. Because they're anything but that.

He can't pretend that he's got something to do in the kitchen now, so he takes his cup and drops unceremoniously into the armchair near the window, far enough to give Kurapika and his friends some semblance of privacy and yet still near enough to make it clear that he doesn't intend to hide. It's his home, and however complicated his relationship with Kurapika is, they’re still a couple, and Chrollo wants their guests to understand that. He grabs a book at random on the shelf behind him and soon pretends to be absorbed in his reading. After a while, he hears Leorio clear his throat. 

"Say, Melody, you've been very quiet since we got here. What's up with you?"

The unusually heavy silence that settles after his words makes Chrollo look up from his book. The petite woman is sitting next to Leorio on one of the couches. She bows her head and fidgets with the hem of her green tunic, appearing to be deep in thought.

"I'm sorry, Leorio," she finally says. "I just…" she hesitates. "There's just a lot on my mind right now."

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Gon asks.

Melody shakes her head and gives him a reassuring smile, but Chrollo can't help but notice the flash of deep sorrow that sweeps across her face for just an instant. He turns to Kurapika with a questioning look, but the young man's expression is unreadable, and Chrollo recognises the mask of indifference that he's putting on. He knows something about what's troubling his friend but he's not willing to share the information with the rest of the group, it seems. 

"So, Killua," Kurapika starts in a cheery tone, surprising everyone, Chrollo included, "you haven't told us anything about your latest travels with Alluka. Where is she, by the way?" 

Killua's face lights up. "Oh, she's staying at Bisky's! I brought her to Heavens Arena last month, you'll never guess what…"

Chrollo soon finds himself engrossed in the boy's story as well. He isn't used to such enthusiastic accounts, his exchanges with Kurapika usually consisting of either quiet talks or passionate embraces. Or heated arguments. 

He turns towards Kurapika, smiling as he notices his eased and content expression. It's unusual for him to look so relaxed. Even when he talks with Chrollo, there's always a layer of underlying tension in the air. Chrollo's train of thoughts breaks when he notices Kurapika's stiffening as he starts to look frantically inside his pockets. He turns a hurried glance towards Chrollo.

"Chrollo - sorry to interrupt Killua - have you seen my handkerchief?"

"The black one?" Chrollo asks, "It was on your bedside table this morning."

"Shit," Kurapika mutters, and he shoots up from the couch, only to suddenly double over and burst into a frenzied coughing fit. From the sounds he makes, it's obvious that it's painful and the room suddenly goes deadly silent as everyone waits for the episode to pass. 

"Are you okay?" Gon worries.

Kurapika just nods frantically, eyes screwed shut. He tries to steady his breathing before answering, in a voice muffled by the hand that he’s still holding against his mouth. 

"I- I'm fine, Gon. I just need some water, and I'll be fine." 

He tries to stand upright again, but loses his balance and Chrollo and Leorio immediately rush over to Kurapika to prevent him from toppling over on the floor. 

Everyone freezes.

Because in the midst of trying to hang on to something to prevent his fall, Kurapika has taken his hand away from his mouth. His blood-stained mouth.

"What the fuck!" Leorio hisses. "Kurapika, what is this?" 

Chrollo gently eases Kurapika back into the couch and hands him a tissue, which Kurapika takes to quickly wipe the blood away from his lips.

"It's nothing," Kurapika answers in a raspy voice.

"Kurapika, don't." Chrollo interrupts sternly before turning back towards the worried faces of the other people in the room. "He's been coughing for weeks now. It's not getting better," _and I wasn't aware about the blood_ , he nearly admits. "The other reason why I invited you here is because he's being stubborn and refuses to see a doctor." Kurapika opens his mouth to protest. "A real doctor," Chrollo cuts in, before turning to Leorio. "I was hoping that you could examine him, so that we can get this over with."

"I don't need a doctor," Kurapika says between greeted teeth but Chrollo pays him no mind, instead staring intently at Leorio, waiting for his answer. Leorio looks uncomfortable at being addressed by the Spider Head, but he eventually nods.

"Sure you do, Pika," Chrollo bristles at the affectionate surname but manages to not let it show. "Coughing blood is always alarming. Maybe it's just an infection or something, but it still needs to be taken care of."

"No." Kurapika says firmly.

"I'm sorry?" Leorio asks.

"I said, no. I don't want you to examine me." 

The sharpness to his tone surprises even Chrollo, because Kurapika usually reserves this kind of vehemence for him. Leorio looks hurt.

"You don't have to strip off, or anything. I just want to listen to your lungs."

"That's not the problem," Melody cuts in, voice unusually hard. "Kurapika, look at me." She waits until he does, before she continues. "You have to let him examine you. You owe him that much."

They stare at each other for a long time and Chrollo wishes he could hear the unspoken conversation that seems to pass between them. After a while, Kurapika relents. 

"Fine," he sighs. 

Leorio nods and gets up to rummage through his travel bag to take out a stethoscope. Gon and Killua move up from Kurapika’s sides to allow Leorio to sit next to him. As Chrollo notices the way Kurapika clenches his fists so hard that his knuckles turn white, a slight tinge of worry takes hold of him, but he pays it no mind. This silly stubbornness of his will soon be over.

Leorio asks Kurapika to lie down, and he slides the bell under his shirt to listen to his heartbeat. Kurapika keeps his head resolutely turned towards the back of the couch and Chrollo would find his attitude adorable, if he wasn’t preoccupied by the fact that Leorio’s movements are starting to look frenetic. Leorio eventually drops the stethoscope and presses his own hands over Kurapika’s chest. Chrollo activates his gyo and notices the doctor’s Nen probing Kurapika’s body. It almost seems like Leorio is looking for something, but he's facing away from Chrollo, so he can't see his expression. His movements eventually stop, but Leorio remains hunched over Kurapika, shoulders slumped and trembling. 

"Leorio," Kurapika murmurs. "There's nothing you can do."

A heart wrenching sob tears from Leorio’s throat as he slides down on the floor, holding himself tight. Readjusting his shirt, Kurapika sits up and places a comforting hand on Leorio's shaking shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay Leorio."

Another awful sob. Alarm bells are ringing in full force inside Chrollo's head and, judging from Gon and Killua's stricken expressions, he's not alone. Melody just looks… resigned, somehow. 

"Leorio," Kurapika tries again, sitting next to him on the floor and taking hold of both of his hands. "It's going to be okay." 

Leorio tears himself free from Kurapika’s grip. "How can you say that??" he snaps at him, and Kurapika looks like he’s just been slapped. "How dare you say that it's gonna be okay??" Leorio continues, his voice rising. "For fuck's sake Kurapika, you're _dying_!"

Surprisingly, Leorio's words don’t seem to register inside Chrollo's mind.

"I know," Kurapika whispers.

"Explain," Chrollo finds himself saying in a hollow voice he barely recognises because he’s never used it with Kurapika.

Kurapika looks back at Chrollo, but quickly darts his eyes away. 

"It's my Nen..." he says slowly. "Back when I set the conditions for my abilities. I needed the strength, so I..." He rubs his face with his hands and takes a steadying breath before continuing. "The vow I made was that for every second I spend in Emperor Time, I lose one hour off my life. I guess I- I’ve just reached my limit," he concludes, biting his lower lip. 

Reality seems to fade around Chrollo. It's like his brain can't process the surge of pain that threatens to submerge him and instead chooses to leave him devoid of all emotions. He feels empty. He stares blankly at the scene that unfolds in front of him, sees that people are getting up, surrounding Kurapika and shouting things at him, but their words don't register in Chrollo’s mind. Instead, a single, absurd sentence seems to play over and over in his head. _Kurapika is dying. Kurapika is dying. Kurapika is dying._

"It's my fault. I’m sorry."

Kurapika’s faint words directed at his friends snap Chrollo back to reality.

"Like hell it's your fault!" Leorio snarls, before pointing a trembling finger at Chrollo. There is no way that the leader of the Phantom Troupe could ever feel frightened by a guy like him, but Chrollo is still hit by the intensity of the hatred he sees in the man’s dark eyes. "It's _his_ fault." Leorio hisses. He gets up to stand before Chrollo, his fists clenched and his face contorted with rage.

" _You_ did that to him. _You_ slaughtered his whole family and _you_ are the reason why he lost himself in his revenge. He made the choice, but you might as well have killed him yourself."

Kurapika doesn't deny Leorio’s claim, because why would he? Chrollo knows it's true, he knows that without the Phantom Troupe, Kurapika would still be living a peaceful life in the lush forests surrounding his village. 

"How long?" Chrollo asks Kurapika, not paying attention to the seething man in front of him. "How long do you have left?" he clarifies.

Kurapika looks at him hesitatingly and Chrollo cannot imagine a world in which he would have to wake up without this man sleeping next to him.

"Two, or perhaps three-" 

Chrollo's heart tightens painfully inside his chest... 

"- months." 

...and shatters.

Months. Not years. Three months at best before he loses him. A deafening silence echoes Kurapika’s words, only broken by Gon's sniffling, as he asks.

"But… How do we stop it?"

Kurapika turns to Gon and Chrollo can’t bear to see the look of pity in his eyes.

"We can’t," Leorio answers in a broken voice. "Kurapika’s body is shutting down."

"What does it mean?" Gon insists.

"I guess the coughing will get worse," Leorio croaks. "And… and he’ll grow more and more tired and feel pain all over." He starts to sound panicked. "And then, he’ll lose sensations in some of his limbs, because his blood flow will be all messed up, and once his organs won’t be able to sustain him anymore he'll just.. he'll just-" He breaks down into tears and Kurapika takes him in his arms to comfort him, stroking his hair and whispering soothing words into his ears, like he's not the one who will have to go through all that.

Chrollo can’t breathe. He feels suddenly too hot, and too cold at the same time. It feels like he's going to break out of his own skin. He can't stay here, he can't bear to stay a minute longer in this room, in this house.

"I'll be gone for a while," he says in a clipped tone. "You all can stay here, if you want."

Dashing up the stairs to grab his wallet and car keys, Chrollo leaves without another word or even a glance back, especially not at Kurapika, because he knows that if he so much as looks at him, he will shatter for real, and he can't afford that. 

He's got things to do.

* * *

Chrollo has never been one for looking the other way at anything. Growing up in Meteor City, he had to keep both his eyes firmly open to make it to the next day. His ruthlessness and composure allowed him to become the leader of one the most feared criminal organisations in the world, and even when confronted with the loss of his comrades, he was able to rely on his calculating mind to move forward.

And yet, he finds it impossible to be rational when it comes to Kurapika. Irrational is the very definition of their relationship, after all. Chrollo wiped out Kurapika’s whole word, and Kurapika murdered Chrollo’s friends in revenge. After their explosive confrontation on the Black Whale, they had to put their grievances aside to survive the debacle following the succession war and disastrous expedition on the Dark Continent, which ended up in Chrollo and Kurapika getting stranded together for months. The hopelessness of their situation and the fact that neither Chrollo nor Kurapika expected to survive soon had them turn to each other for comfort and release, first physical, but eventually also emotional. When they managed against all odds to make it out alive, they found that they were no longer able to go back to how things used to be between them, and that they’d become somehow dependent on each other. Unsurprisingly, this revelation proved a particularly hard pill to swallow for Kurapika.

They came to an agreement eventually, that implied living together in Chrollo’s house in Meteor City, because they soon found that they couldn’t bear to be apart from each other for long periods of time. They had to set rules for their relationship, of course, the most important one being that neither meddles in the other’s affairs. The balance is a precarious one, but they’ve managed to make it work for the last two years, though not always as smoothly as Chrollo would’ve hoped...

He can't lose him. 

He's been aware of his feelings for Kurapika for a long time now. He only brought it up once, and Kurapika's only response was that Chrollo did not know the difference between love and addiction. Kurapika was rarely wrong, but he had been then. The argument that followed had been one of their worst, and Chrollo had been rougher in bed that night, as if he could fuck his way into Kurapika's heart.

In just three months, all this will be over. 

Unless he finds a way. 

* * *

He starts by reaching out to the Nen exorcist who removed the Judgment Chain from his heart all those years ago, but the man soon dashes his hopes. The condition Kurapika set might be linked to Nen, but not the illness itself. This means that theoretically, the exorcist could remove Emperor time, but not restore Kurapika’s lifespan. The void inside Chrollo's chest grows hollower and the next few weeks seem to pass in a blur. 

Chrollo roams the whole continent, and finds two more Nen exorcists who give him the exact same answer as the first one. He kills the third guy in frustration, and feels nothing about it.

Kurapika would hate him, if he knew. 

He spends his nights sleeping in his car or in shitty motels, and his days wandering aimlessly, in search of anything, any kind of clue to what the solution is for keeping Kurapika alive. He doesn't stop for a minute because he knows that if he does, everything will become real, and he'll finally break down. And Chrollo can't let that happen, because Kurapika needs him. 

The doctor was right, it was his fault, but he is determined to fix this. He knows that even if Kurapika does live, their relationship will never be anything more than a makeshift peace between former enemies. He knows that redemption and love will always be out of his reach, and that the chasm between him and Kurapika can’t be bridged. 

But he'd rather have that than nothing at all. 

* * *

He looks everywhere, but he can't find anything. 

Not in the Hunter Association’s Headquarters in Swardani city, not in the museum of Royal artefacts in the Kakin capital, not in the underground research facilities focusing on the findings from the Dark Continent in Yorknew City, and not even on Greed Island. 

He keeps track of the days and knows that he should be getting back. Chrollo would know if something had happened, but he also knows that Kurapika’s time is running out.

The stench of Meteor City hits him harder than usual since he’s been gone for two months. As he parks by his house, he tries to convince himself that Kurapika's friends will have found a solution. The doctor will have thought of something and Kurapika will be waiting for him at the kitchen table. His gorgeous eyes will light up at the sound of Chrollo coming from the front door and, noticing Chrollo’s grim and haggard state, he will walk up to him and pull him into a harsh kiss, sending Chrollo’s head spinning. 

Chrollo smiles at the mental image as he slides his key into place and pushes the door open. He turns to the kitchen, but there's no Kurapika, no blond angel to greet him. 

There’s no one in the living room, but Chrollo hears the sound of a tap running, probably coming from the bathroom on the first floor, so he goes up the stairs to find the door ajar. 

He gets in to find Leorio hunched down on the floor. He doesn't even acknowledge Chrollo’s presence, though there's no way he hasn't noticed. 

Kurapika is in the bathtub. There’s water up to his waist and his head is resting against the cold tiles on the wall. His eyes are closed and Leorio has his left arm braced against Kurapika’s chest to prevent him from falling forward into the water. He looks like he’s sleeping. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Chrollo asks, voice cold, trying to contain his anger.

Leorio doesn’t even turn back or answer. Instead, he takes the bath sponge and starts to rub Kurapika’s naked back.

"Get your hands off him," Chrollo warns icily.

"Keep your voice down, asshole," Leorio grates in a low voice. "I’m not doing anything. Kurapika wanted a bath, he says that warm water helps for the pain in his joints."

"Yeah?" Chrollo sneers. "So why is he unconscious?"

This finally gets Leorio to turn around to glare at him. Despite all the hatred in the other man’s expression, Chrollo can’t help but notice the empty look in his eyes. He knows this look well, because he’s been wearing it for the last two months. 

"You’re a sick bastard," he spits. "He fainted a few minutes after getting into the water. It’s been happening more and more often. He’ll probably be out for a few hours."

This forces Chrollo’s mind to register signs that it was desperately trying not to notice, like how frail Kurapika is looking. He’s always been slender, but Chrollo can now easily count his ribs, and his shoulder blades are sticking out from his back. His skin has taken an unhealthy greyish tinge to it, and his sides and arms are littered with bruises. 

Chrollo tears his gaze away from him, trying to swallow the huge lump lodged in his throat. They haven’t found a solution either. Kurapika is still dying.

The sound of the front door opening gets his attention, and he hears the voices of Gon, Killua and Melody downstairs. It looks like they’ve all stayed.

Leorio is back to washing Kurapika. His movements are careful and tender, and he seems to be talking to Kurapika at the same time, but his whispers are too low for Chrollo to understand what he’s saying. 

When he’s done, Leorio rinses the soap, empties the bathtub, and wraps Kurapika into a towel. He picks him up without difficulty - Chrollo guesses that he doesn’t weigh much anymore - and carries him in his arms to the guest bedroom. Chrollo follows him as if on autopilot but Leorio doesn’t seem to care.

Leorio puts a nightshirt on Kurapika with practised ease and gently lowers him on the bed, tucking the covers around him and adding an additional pillow under his head. Kurapika doesn’t wake up. Leorio adds a fleece blanket over where Kurapika’s feet are and, after pressing a light kiss to the sleeping man’s forehead, leaves the room quietly. Chrollo follows him. 

They go down the stairs in silence, as if there’s a mutual understanding that the confrontation needs to happen as far from Kurapika as possible. It’s not until after they’ve entered the living room downstairs that Leorio explodes. Turning back sharply, he pulls Chrollo by his collar and slams him against the wall. Chrollo could have resisted, but he’s too weary to do anything, and he knows that, as much as he may wish to, the doctor can’t hurt him. Melody, Gon and Killua, who were sitting on the floor next to the window, gasp in unison.

"Where the _fuck_ were you?" Leorio snarls, his grip on Chrollo tightening. "Do you have any idea what it felt like for Kurapika, to see you just leave like that?"

Leorio’s words freeze Chrollo to the spot.

"No, of course you don’t," he continues. "Because you never actually cared about him, did you? What was he for you, just another prize, another trophy?" Chrollo clenches his fists and it takes all his willpower not to trample the guy, whose face curls into a cruel grin. "He doesn’t love you, you know. You ever wondered how he can even stand to let you fuck him? He hates himself. Always has, since the massacre. Being with you is just another way for him to punish himself."

Chrollo knows. He’s always known, but that doesn’t make the words hurt any less. He almost bares his teeth at Leorio, trying to remember what’s preventing him from killing him right then and there.

"Leorio, stop." Melody says sternly, putting her hand on his shoulder.

Leorio snaps his head towards her. "Why are you defending him?"

"I’m not," she says calmly. "But you two going at each other’s throats is the last thing Kurapika needs, right now."

"What Kurapika needs," Leorio hisses, "is this bastard’s head on a plate."

Chrollo scoffs. "You’re welcome to try."

"You’re both ridiculous, you know that?" Killua cuts in. "Did you listen to what Melody just said? Just shut up and sit down, both of you. And you," he adds, voice hard and looking at Chrollo. "I’d also like to hear what you were up two, these last two months."

Leorio releases his hold on Chrollo with a groan, and walks to sit behind the boys and Melody, who all have their attention focused on Chrollo.

"I didn’t abandon him," Chrollo rasps. "I was traveling around, in search of a cure. And before you ask," he quickly adds as he sees Gon’s eyes lit up. "I didn’t find any."

"No shit," Leorio starts, but another stern look from Melody shuts him up.

A heavy silence stretches between them and the rest of the afternoon passes slowly, with Kurapika’s friends busy in the kitchen and Chrollo slumped to the floor, trying to breathe through the harrowing pain pulsating inside his chest, tearing him apart. 

Kurapika wakes up as the sun starts to lower in the horizon and Leorio carries him back downstairs. He’s still wearing his nightshirt, but with the addition of his pyjama bottoms and a sweater so huge he looks like he’s drowning in it.

Leorio carefully sets him in the armchair near the window, but even this seems to tire Kurapika out, because his breathing sounds heavy and laboured. Maybe that’s just the way he breathes, now. 

It doesn’t seem like he’s sensed Chrollo’s presence, but his head perks up when he hears the sound of approaching footsteps. Melody motions for Leorio to leave the room, probably to give Chrollo and Kurapika some space, which Chrollo is grateful for. 

Kurapika turns his head, and Chrollo is not ready for the sight of his beautiful eyes greyed-over and blind. He doesn’t even realise that he’s crying until he tastes the salt of his tears in his mouth. Kurapika frowns.

"Ch-Chrollo?" he asks in a small voice.

"I’m here," Chrollo says, kneeling in front of Kurapika and taking hold of his hands . "Kurapika, I… I didn’t mean to leave you. I thought I could find a cure for you, but in the end I-" his voice breaks and he clears his throat before continuing. "I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you."

Kurapika’s lips tremble as he brings his hands to Chrollo’s face, walking his delicate fingers down his cheeks and mouth like he’s trying to map out Chrollo’s features and wiping his tears away in the process.

"Kiss me," Kurapika whispers, and Chrollo obliges him readily, gathering him in his arms and pressing Kurapika’s chapped lips against his own. The kiss tastes like blood and goodbye, and it only lasts for a few seconds before Kurapika has to pull back to catch his breath.

Chrollo spends the rest of the evening curled up in the armchair with him, holding Kurapika close against his chest while he drifts in and out of sleep. At some point, Leorio brings him a milkshake, which Kurapika barely even touches. 

Chrollo doesn’t really pay attention to what the others are doing, but he eventually notices that they seem to be packing, though he knows better than to hope that they’re leaving. When Leorio approaches them to ask Kurapika if there’s anything else he’d like to take with him, Chrollo waits until after he leaves the room before he asks.

"Where are you going?"

It takes so long for Kurapika to answer that Chrollo thinks he’s gone back to sleep, but he eventually explains. 

"We’re leaving for Lukso tomorrow."

Chrollo frowns. "You’re in no shape to travel," he remarks, his hands stroking Kurapika’s sides beneath his sweater. 

Kurapika sighs. "I’m not going sightseeing, Chrollo. That’s where I want to be buried, and I'm the only one who knows where the village is." Chrollo feels Kurapika stiffen. "Though, I guess you do too," he adds bitterly. 

Silence follows his words.

"So, you’re going there to die," Chrollo says, a statement rather than a question.

"I am." Another long pause, before Kurapika speaks again, in a hesitant voice, barely louder than a whisper. "Chrollo... Do you regret it?" 

Chrollo doesn’t have to ask what he’s talking about. It’s not the first time that Kurapika asks him if he regrets the Kurta massacre. He’d stopped asking after a while, because Chrollo’s answer always led to fruitless arguments. Chrollo thinks about lying, but he knows it wouldn’t be fair to Kurapika, because his answer remains the same even now.

"No. If I hadn’t done what I did that day, I wouldn’t have met you."

"You _bastard_!" Leorio shouts, barging in the room, but it’s Kurapika who stops him this time.

"Leorio, don’t." His voice is level but the trembling in his hands betrays his inner turmoil. If he still had his sight, Chrollo knows that his eyes would be bright red right now. "I just wanted to make sure that he is still the same man."

* * *

Chrollo sleeps alone that night, in his own bedroom, that has apparently been left untouched since he went away. The silence and the empty space beside him are almost unbearable, but still, Chrollo finds himself falling into a restless sleep.

When he gets up and climbs down the stairs the morning after, everyone is already gathered in the kitchen. Chrollo stops in his tracks as he notices what Kurapika is wearing, the same kind of tunic that he used to wear back when they first met in Yorknew, but a deep red embroidered with gold thread, and with the top part hanging all the way down Kurapika’s knees. It’s been a long time since he wore his tribal clothing.

Chrollo sits down on the chair next to Kurapika, and runs his hand along the soft fabric. "I’ve never seen that one," he says.

Kurapika gives him a small smile. 

"That's because I didn’t have it. Gon made it for me. He’s been working hard. I just wish I could have seen it finished." He turns towards Gon, who’s sitting on the other side of him and puts a comforting hand to his shoulder, but the teenager just looks incredibly sad. "I’m sure it’s perfect, Gon." Kurapika clears his throat and turns back to Chrollo. "It’s the traditional Kurtan burial wear," he explains.

And just like that, the reality of what is happening comes back to Chrollo in full force. They're heading for Kurapika’s birth place today, where they will wait for him to die, before burying him. 

Chrollo swallows hard and tries to distract himself with trivial matters.

"How are we going to reach Lukso?"

The atmosphere of the room suddenly turns tense.

"By aircraft." Kurapika explains, before adding in a flat voice. "But you’re not coming with us."

Chrollo frowns, but he knows that Kurapika can’t see him. "What did you just say?" 

Kurapika closes his eyes. "You heard me."

Chrollo takes a few seconds to compose himself, trying to control the panic climbing up his throat.

"I’m not leaving you," he challenges. "You can’t make me stay."

"I know," Kurapika says, letting out a low, quiet sigh. "That’s why I’m asking you. I can't bear the idea of you being anywhere near my village ever again. It would be the ultimate blow to my clan's memory." Kurapika pries Chrollo’s clenched fists from under the table and gently loosens his fingers to kiss each palm tenderly before he adds, in a much softer voice. "Please, Chrollo. If you ever… ever _cared_ about me. You’ll respect my wishes."

There’s nothing Chrollo can answer to that, and he is all too aware that there’s no way he can sneak up on them if Melody is here. 

So he says nothing, and before he knows it, they’re all gone and Chrollo finds himself alone in his big house, that he doesn’t consider to be only his anymore.

It should take them a day approximately to reach Lukso, maybe more, since Kurapika can’t walk on his own. The group took a month worth of provisions, because it’s obvious that Kurapika won’t last longer than that. 

It’s just as well that Kurapika pretty much ordered him to stay here, because Chrollo has been thinking about Kurapika’s collection of books on foreign cultures and magics, a good portion of which he’s never gotten around to read. Maybe it’s just a silly hope fueled by denial, but maybe, he’ll find something no one had thought of, that will prove to be the key to Kurapika’s cure. And if Chrollo does find something, there will still be time for him to catch up with the group. Kurapika was right, he knows where the village is, after all. Kurapika won’t be happy to see him in Lukso, but maybe he’ll forgive him if it saves his life. 

Chrollo gets down to work. 

* * *

The doorbell rings a week after they left. 

Chrollo drops his book and rushes down to the entrance, not even bothering to check the Nen signature, because he knows it’s him. 

He opens the door to Melody, who looks up at him and says quietly. 

"He died two days after we arrived in Lukso. I guess the journey accelerated the decline."

Time seems to stand still for a few seconds, before a ripple of agony tears through Chrollo’s whole being. He feels the urge to collapse on the floor and just scream, scream until his throat bleeds for the unfairness of it all and for his world, that has just been shattered into a million pieces. But he can’t, because his body is frozen in shock. 

"He told me to give you this, a few weeks ago." Melody hands him a small envelope, which Chrollo takes automatically. "You’re an evil man, Chrollo Lucilfer," she says, though her red-rimmed eyes surprisingly turn soft. "But I could always tell that you loved him." She hesitates. "I don’t know what he wrote, but I do hope it brings you peace." 

She gives him a sad smile before walking away.

Chrollo doesn’t even bother to close the door before he opens the envelope with trembling hands. He takes out the single piece of elegant stationery, and chokes for a time when he reads the four words written in Kurapika’s sharp handwriting.

_See you in Hell_

He laughs in disbelief, because he knows of the unspeakable things Kurapika has done to recover his clan’s eyes. 

He doesn’t believe in a God, but he knows that if there is such a thing as an afterlife, then Kurapika and him would definitely end up in Hell. 

He doesn’t believe in Hell, but if there is the slightest chance that going there is the solution for seeing Kurapika again... he sure is going to take it.

**Author's Note:**

> This whole story sounded way better in my head.. And sorry about the broken English (feel free to point out my mistakes!)


End file.
